I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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