I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
