I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
