dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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