The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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