You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
