I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
