Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
