I just saw a hot homeless man
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
