I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
