I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
