i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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