A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Who died my cat blue again?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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