I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
