did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
