Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
