I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
