...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
