eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
