I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
