Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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