I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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