Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
