So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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