I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
