Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
