I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I smell like Dick and happiness
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