My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
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