Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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