I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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