I feel great
I just peed on a car
It was confusing and full of hummus
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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