His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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