The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
