i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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