I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
