Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she smelled like a LAN party
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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