In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
