Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize