I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is it penis luge time yet?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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