Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
