The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize