I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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