i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
