i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
