Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
