I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I came so hard my ears popped.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
