no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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