i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
