I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
