I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
