Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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