matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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