I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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