ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
