Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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