There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
