he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
