Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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