Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
