my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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