Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
