Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
