mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
