Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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