doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
